The Cost of Carrying Too Much | Volume 1, Edition 18

This week in Lead Anew: Insights and Growth we explore the difference between healthy responsibility and over-responsibility. We look at how carrying what is not yours drains your energy, clouds your clarity, and steals your joy. Through personal reflection and practical steps, we can shed unnecessary weight, embrace boundaries, and lead with wisdom in our second season.

Responsibility is healthy. Over-responsibility is heavy. The weight you were never meant to carry can quietly steal your energy, joy, and clarity. There is a difference between being responsible and being over-responsible. One builds trust, while the other builds burnout.

For years, I blurred the two. I prided myself on being the dependable one, the person who could be counted on to hold everything together, no matter what. At first, that kind of reliability felt like a badge of honor, but eventually, it felt like a backpack full of bricks I could not set down. I had to learn the difference between what was mine to carry and what was never mine to begin with. That lesson changed how I lead, how I live, and how I define responsibility in my second season.

Many of us grew up praised for being helpful or dependable. Over time, we learned that saying yes was the way to earn approval. We learned to anticipate other people’s needs before they asked, and we learned to take on problems as if our worth depended on fixing them. That pattern follows us into adulthood and leadership. Before long, we are not just carrying our own responsibilities we are carrying the emotions of our team, the unspoken needs of our families, the approval of our colleagues, and the weight of problems no one actually asked us to solve. It feels noble, but it is not sustainable.

Carrying too much has hidden costs that show up slowly, like interest on a loan. First, there is the cost of energy. When you are constantly taking on more than is yours, fatigue creeps in, and you feel tired even when you “should” feel rested. That is the weight of over-responsibility draining you. Second, there is the cost of clarity. Over-responsibility muddies decision-making because you spend more energy worrying about other people’s reactions than aligning with your own values. Clarity gets lost under the noise of other people’s expectations. Finally, there is the cost of joy. The more we carry that is not ours, the less room we have for what lights us up. The work becomes heavier, relationships become strained, and even the victories feel muted.

Every group has the “strong one”, the person who can handle it all. Maybe that is you. If so, you know the unspoken pressure it brings. People lean on you because you are capable, and they expect you to carry the load because you always have. However, being the strong one can trap you, because it can become your identity. The problem is that strength without boundaries becomes weakness in disguise. It robs you of the energy to show up fully where it matters most.

I remember a season when my work schedule was overflowing, my family needed me in new ways, and I was still saying yes to every additional request that came my way. I told myself it was leadership. I told myself it was what good managers do. But the truth was, I was afraid of letting people down. The turning point came when a mentor gently asked me, “Whose load are you carrying that was never yours?” That question stopped me in my tracks. I realized how much of what I was carrying belonged to other people, their worries, their lack of preparation, their resistance to growth. I had confused supporting others with rescuing them. That was not leadership. That was over-responsibility.

The shift began with a simple question I still ask myself today: What is mine to carry? Not everything. Not everyone. Not all the outcomes. Just what is truly mine. Healthy responsibility looks like owning your commitments and following through, being accountable for your actions and choices, and supporting others without taking away their own responsibility to grow. Over-responsibility looks like saying yes when you mean no, fixing problems that do not belong to you, and measuring your worth by how much you hold for everyone else. The difference is subtle but life-changing.

If you recognize yourself in these words, here are some practical ways to set down what is not yours. First, name the weight. Write down everything you feel responsible for, then ask honestly, “Which of these are truly mine?” Cross out what is not. Second, let silence do the work. When someone comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to jump in immediately. Listen first, ask what they think the solution might be, and give them space to carry their part. Third, redefine saying no. Saying no is not selfish, it is stewardship. It preserves your energy for what is truly yours to do. Fourth, delegate with trust. Delegation is not dumping tasks; it is inviting others to step into their own growth. Finally, rest without guilt. Rest is impossible when you believe you are responsible for everything. Giving yourself permission to rest is often the first sign that you are finally putting down what was never yours.

In leadership, carrying too much not only harms you, it harms your team. When you over-function, others under-function. When you carry their responsibilities, they never get the chance to grow into them. The best leaders do not carry everything. They carry well. They model boundaries. They empower others to step up. They remind their teams that strength is shared, not hoarded.

This week, consider these questions: Where in your life are you carrying too much? What is one responsibility you can set down that was never truly yours? What would shift if you redefined leadership not as carrying everything but as carrying wisely? Write your answers somewhere visible. Sometimes just naming the weight begins to release it.

Here are a few takeaways. Responsibility builds trust. Over-responsibility builds burnout. Carrying too much costs you energy, clarity, and joy. Strength without boundaries becomes weakness in disguise. Leadership is not about carrying more, it is about carrying well. Ask yourself: What is mine to carry? Then set down the rest.

Life will always present us with opportunities to carry more than we should. But you do not have to hold it all. In fact, you cannot. The courage to put down what is not yours is not failure. It is wisdom. It is leadership. And it is the only way to walk freely into your second season with energy, clarity, and joy intact.

✨ Until next time, may you lead anew, carrying only what is truly yours.

www.leadanewwithkim.mykajabi.com

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